Truly platonic opposite-sex friendships are the chupacabra of the pop culture narrative. From "When Harry Met Sally" to Ross and Rachel, first comes friendship, then comes relationship.
Longtime friends Timothy Goodman,
32, and Jessica Walsh, 26, have taken to exploring the leitmotif once more --
and in a 21st century twist, decided to share it with the world via their blog,
40 Days of Dating.
Opinion: Why traditional dating is dead
"Tim is afraid of commitment,
often dating many girls at once, and he's losing sight of what a healthy
relationship means," the couple explains on the blog. "Jessica is a hopeless
romantic, jumping into relationships too quickly, always looking to find 'the
one.' "
First, they set the ground rules
for the experiment, which started in mid-March:
1. They would see each other
every day for 40 days.
2. They would go on at least
three dates a week.
3. They would see a couples
therapist once a week.
4. They would go on one weekend
trip together.
5. They would fill out a daily
questionnaire and document everything.
6. They would not see, date,
hook up or have sex with anyone else.
They began adding new posts
about the relationship only after the 40 days were up. They've been posting
entries Monday through Friday since July 10, and they'll continue until August
22, when readers will learn how their experiment ended.
"We didn't want to do this live
because if we read each other's questions, we'd be influenced by each other and
by the public's perception of it," Goodman said.
Their readership has grown so
much that both Walsh and Goodman have had to retroactively monitor their social
media accounts to prevent spoilers. The couple wouldn't offer any hints about
the outcome -- they suggest people stay up-to-date with their romantic escapades
via the website.
Goodman and Walsh spoke to CNN
separately about the online dating project and the age-old question, can men and
women really just be friends? The interview has been edited for clarity and
brevity.
Reporter: Why'd you
choose to do the project with each other?
Goodman: We
always were kind of dumbfounded with each other's relationship issues and would
make fun of each other's relationship issues all the time.
Walsh: I had
basically, since the time I was 16, jumped from relationship to relationship up
until a year and half ago when I ended a relationship with a guy I had lived
with. Since then, I had been looking -- and New York City is such a tough place
to find a guy. It was just a terrible year of dating. It was just the right time
when we started talking about it.
Reporter: You've
been friends for more than four years. Was there always an attraction?
Goodman: It's
always been platonic, but we wouldn't have been able to do this project if there
hadn't been some curiosity. I've always been attracted to Jessie; I know she's
beautiful. We're very different though; I'm more outgoing, she's more
reserved.
Walsh: He's not
my usual type, I always thought he was a very attractive guy. I have a lot of
respect for the work that he does -- I can't deny that there.
Reporter: Were you
ever worried that the experiment would ruin the friendship?
Walsh: I was
pretty excited about it at first, then after we told our friends, I did start to
get scared that this could totally destroy a great friendship. We didn't want to
compromise, so it was a few months after we had the initial idea before we
actually started because we kept going back and forth.
Reporter: You're
obviously both creative people, and the site itself is very artistically driven.
How did you separate the creative showmanship with the relationship?
Goodman: What's
important is that it's an experiment. For it to be a success, it doesn't mean
that Jessie and I worked out together. We used it as a catalyst to work on our
issues together; a safe space to work on our issues and also to help each other.
Sure, there were other things going on and there had always been a curiosity
about it. This isn't just about dating, that's not the point -- it's taking two
mice with two different problems and seeing what happens.
Walsh: We tried
to keep them very different. We did the experiment first because we did want the
experiment to be as true as possible, and not have the creative side get in the
way of it. This is the best way we knew how. Each time we read each other's,
we're reliving the day in a way. In some of the more emotional days, it brings
back everything. It hasn't been easy.
Reporter: The rules
are quite fastidious for something so unpredictable as a relationship.
Goodman: We
knew that if we didn't have rules in place, it would be very easy for us to skip
by. The rules held us accountable.
Walsh: It's
kind of a theme in the work that I do, I always set constraints. The best
outcomes come from restraints. Forty days is also the amount of time in several
religions that it takes to break a bad habit. The couples therapy was one
stipulation that I really wanted. It was amazing week to week to have that hour
to sit down and really be able to reflect and have a third party to help you
organize and sort through what happened and give you that objective advice. I
honestly don't think we would've made it through the 40 days without it.
Reporter: In the
early days of the blog, your friends criticized you both for not being physical.
You left those constraints pretty ambiguous. On day 25, readers learned, that
changed.
Goodman: We had
left that open. It was bit of an issue right in the beginning because her friend
was giving her (a hard time) about it. She got weird about it. We can't just
click our fingers and be in a relationship. There was a lot of push and pull
because of it. I didn't know what my intentions were.
Walsh: I had
wanted it for a while. I was just like, "Let's try this." We both admitted on
day two of the therapy that there was attraction, there was some interest. Tim
was the one that was super scared because his issues are quite real. We had a
great friendship, so he was very, very hesitant -- but it was confusing for me
because he would be flirtatious.
Reporter: So, do you
think men and women can ever be just friends?
Goodman: I have
girlfriends that I consider just girls who are friends now, but it's only
because I've been with them before or they're in a relationship so you don't
have to even think about it. If you asked me a couple of months ago, I would've
said yes. In one of his stand-ups, Chris Rock said every platonic friend that he
had was someone he was trying to sleep with, made a wrong turn somewhere and
ended up in the "friend zone." I think there's truth in that. A man always has a
motive.
Walsh: I
do.
Reporter: Well, what
happened?
Goodman: I will
say that I feel forever linked to her. I have this kinship with her because of
it, regardless of what happened or if we're together or we're not.
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